I have felt burdened lately. Let me explain why.
When we adopted Elly, after trying to get pregnant and longing for
years for children, everyone was so excited for us. Even though I was 33
(considered older in terms of starting a family), still everyone was so happy
for us. When I found out I was pregnant with Samuel (just after my 34th
birthday), people once again were so happy and thrilled for us.
When we told people we were going to adopt from India in October of
last year, we were so excited about the calling God has given us. However, people
were hesitant this time to be as thrilled as they were with Elly and Samuel. I
attribute it to the cost factor of adoption. However, I think people looked at
us and thought “why?” We had two very healthy children and now we were looking
to add a special needs child to our family. Some were genuinely excited, some
were scared for us, but others were just apathetic.
When we found out in January that we were pregnant once again and
therefore putting the India adoption on hold, people were once again excited.
Not as excited as with Elly and Samuel, but still more excited than when we announced
we were adopting from India…and shocked! People that NEVER congratulated us on
pursing the Lord’s will for our family with our India adoption, were now coming
out of the wood work to say congratulations about being pregnant. This confused
me quite a bit, but I moved on.
This time I am 41 years old and pregnant so I also see another side
that I never expected. I get to hear things like…
“Don’t you know what causes this?” Um yes we do…but we also know God is
the giver of life and He is the one that has blessed us with this pregnancy. It
might not have been part of our plan at this stage of life, but it was part of
His.
“Better you than me!” Um…yes, we feel the same way. Although you might
see our pregnancy as a burden, we see it as a blessing.
“I am having/looking forward to grandchildren and you are still having babies.”
Um…really, I had not noticed!
And other random things that honestly you would be shocked to know
people have said to me.
I have to tell you, it hurts to hear those things coming from the
people I love. And up until yesterday at church, I was letting it steal my joy
and make me almost bitter. As I sat in my connect group (Sunday school class),
I realized that I had allowed the cares of this world to overtake my joy.
Slowly but surely, I was letting Satan bring me down and make me worry more
about what others thought of my pregnancy rather than focusing on the blessing
that I have growing in my body. Tears ran down my face as I realized I needed
to let go of what others were thinking/saying/implying about my pregnancy and focus only on God's plan...God's purpose in this pregnancy!
I am 41, considered “advanced maternal age,” and older than most people who get pregnant but that does not make this pregnancy any less of a blessing than
another. It does not make it any less exciting for us. We know for certain that
God has big plans for this baby and we cannot wait to see His plan for her life
unfold…just as we do for our other two. Will things be different this time
around? Sure, but we would not change it for the world. So, please, look at me
and see someone who is blessed beyond measure…do not look on me and say things
to me out of pity!
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