The night before

I have not blogged in awhile probably because this was more of an adoption blog and nothing has been happening up until this point. We have been sending updates and pictures, but I have no idea if her birth parents have even gotten them. Since I started this blog to document the adoption process for myself, my family, and most importantly for Elly, I feel like I need to share my thoughts and feelings about an upcoming event.

Tomorrow is a big day for Elly and for us also. Tomorrow we are going to Bethany Christian Services in Nashville and meeting with Elly's birth mother's sister and Elly's half birth sister. It is hard for me to call her a sister because Elly does not even know her and because I see sister as a term of endearment for those you are close to.

How did this meeting come about? I am glad you asked. We got an email from Bethany stating that Elly's birth mother's sister, Bridget, has custody of Elly's birth sister, Kayliana (I believe that is her name). Bridget does not have contact with Elly's birth mother, Jamie. She contacted Bethany to see if we would like to get the girls together.

When I first got the email, I had a lot of emotions. Excitement for Elly but a lot of hesitancy for me. It was so much easier living in my little box where I could tell people that Elly's birth family had not ever contacted us and just leave it at that. The thought did cross my mind, as horrible as it sounds, to just not have the visit and not let communication even begin. However, when I became an adoptive parent I knew this day could sometime come. I also knew that this was a great opportunity for Elly...one I could not pass up. This could lead to a lifelong friendship between the two families and can be good for Elly years down the road when she has questions. I also realize that the meeting could fall flat and Tim and I might decide that it is not good at this time to continue the relationship. That is totally up to us. However, I feel it is our obligation to at least meet with them for Elly's benefit. Trust me, the truth is that I would like to keep my little girl all to myself. I would like to keep her in a cacoon and never let her out. I would like to protect her from everything that could possibly hurt her, but that is not fair to her. Why would the Lord have this happen now? I don't know. I do know that it is part of His plan for us and so we are stepping out in blind faith trusting in his ultimate will for our sweet Elly.

It is a big step. Tears come to my eyes just thinking about what tomorrow means for Elly. The people she will meet tomorrow are part of her story. Part of us meeting with them is so that hopefully we can learn more of her story. Hopefully I will be able to ask some questions of Bridget and find out some details about Jamie, her life, her pregnancy with Elly, etc.

So many emotions flood my mind right now and I wish I had the words to blog about them, but I don't. I try, but they just do not come.

So, I will hit my knees tonight in prayer. I will pray that the meeting with go just as the Lord sees fit. I will pray that if nothing else that Bridget will not see us, but will see the Lord and possibly want what we have if she does not already have a relationship with our Lord. I will pray that we will show Bridget that Jamie made a good decision by choosing us. I pray that she will see that Elly is well loved and taken care of!

Lord, let Your will be done...not mine!