Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.  I have SO many feelings that surround me when this time comes.

First, I am thankful for my own mother.  She is a tower and pillar of strength in my life.  She prays for me daily and sometimes hourly when needed.  She is a strong hold for me and I cannot imagine my life without her.  She is a wonderful, giving, self-sacrificing mother and also grandmother.  She loves me, my husband, and my children more than life.  Her and my Elly have such a sweet special bond and I know it is because Elly can sense how genuine her "Nana" is.

I am also thankful on Mother's Day for the two sweet blessings that have given me the title of Mother.  Each day they bring such joy to my life.  Even in those moments where I am about to pull my hair out, I always remember that they truly are miracles from the Lord.  I am thankful for the time that the Lord has given them to me for I know they are only on loan.  The Lord has truly blessed me with them and it is FAR MORE than I could have ever imagined!

Mother's Day this year also marks the two year anniversary of when we went to court to finalize our adoption for Elly.  What a sweet day that was.  Yet, we did not need a court system to tell us she was ours.  She was ours from day one.  The moment I held that sweet baby in my arms, all of the longing to be a mother that I had for years was washed away.  She was mine and I was hers!

However, Mother's Day is also a hard day for me in two ways.  First, I was once childless.  For longer than I wanted to be.  We tried to have children to no avail.  Every Mother's Day was extremely hard for me.  I remember people coming up to me and saying "Happy Mother's Day" and I thought...oh...you have no idea what that does to me.  I remember being in tears many Mother's Days as I sat in church.  Oh how I longed to be a mother.  And now that I am a mother, you would think it would all be in the past.  However, I still have friends who are infertile and do not have children.  My heart aches for them.  I know what tomorrow will feel like for them.  I know how hard it will be to go to church...if they even go tomorrow.  I know many times I just wanted to stay in bed.  I hope somehow, someway, they look at me and find some hope.  Hope in adoption or maybe hope in the fact that I too did get pregnant.  I truly believe that the Lord did not allow me to become pregnant until after Elly came to our family.  She was meant to be in our lives.  I am so glad we surrendered to His will and His call to adopt!

The second reason Mother's Day is hard for me is because I realize that there is a mother out there who tomorrow will be without one of her own...Elly's birthmother.  When I think about what tomorrow will look like for her, I wonder if she thinks about Elly.  I really hope that she has a great support system and that she has received the counseling she needed after placing Elly.  I hope that she knows Elly is taken care of and loved beyond measure.  I hope that when she wakes up tomorrow she knows what a gift she gave to me and how thankful I am to be Elly's Mommy.  Unfortunately, until we meet Elly's birthmother, I will not have those answers.  Will we ever meet her, I hope so.  As scary as that sounds to most people, she is a part of Elly's life.  There is no denying that she has a birth mother.  I want her to know Elly is WELL loved.  I want her to know Elly and the beautiful girl she is.  I want her to be at peace with her decision.  Until we meet, I will just pray that in her heart she somehow does know.  So, tomorrow as I think of Elly's birthmother I realize that my gain of Elly was a loss to someone else.

Would I change any of it...no way!  It has made me into who I am today.  The Lord has molded me into who I am today through the love of a mother, the trial of infertility, the hope of adoption, and the daily blessing of my children!